Mr C: I’ve had a fairly good, but busy, week again. Training’s been pretty strong, and I’m pushing quite hard while I’m there. Mrs C bought me a belt for my squats (romance ain’t dead) because I have a history of back trouble and I have been feeling it in my lower back a little when pushing up the weights, so to be on the safe side I have started using that for the heavy ones. With my lifting in general I’ve been trying to focus on full, strong reps in good form, even where that comes at the cost of lowering my weights. It seems to be working as I’m definitely feeling every workout at the moment. Cardio is still pretty tough but I’m just getting on with that really – I know worse is to come so I’m trying not to make too big a deal about it this early! In terms of my progress, I’ve definitely lost body fat and am starting to see the abs again, and just generally getting the first signs of trimming back down – obviously it’s small signs just now, but that’s to be expected this early on so I’m happy with that. Food-wise I’ve been 100% on plan, which I’m quite pleased about because I’ve been on out-of-office meetings twice this week so the usual temptations have been put in front of me, as well as the difficulty of eating the right things at the right times. Mrs C does massively help with that because she is the meal-prep queen – the right stuff is almost always in the fridge when I need it, so when I’m back late I don’t have so much to worry about.
Mindset-wise I’m in a pretty good place; I’m worried about the posing courses we have in February/March because it’s way out of my comfort zone and I won’t be in stage shape then, but I think that’s fairly normal nerves and otherwise I’m pretty happy with where I am right now. Mrs C’s negativity and insecurity is causing a bit of an issue in terms of my mood, if I’m totally honest, because I’m having to constantly try to handle her mood swings and fixations, and she doesn’t seem to take my advice very much. It’s hard to be supportive and make things better when you’re so frustrated with the other person being illogical and inactive over it all, but that reaction is just another part of the underlying problem so it can’t be helped I suppose – I just have to keep repeating the advice until it sinks in, and try to avoid having to be the bad guy too often. As I say, my mindset is pretty positive so far, and hasn’t been affected too much by it all.
Next week is more of the same really. I’m only out of the office once so that should make things easier. Also, it will be 4 weeks in, so our plans should be changing soon. I’m not feeling too bad in terms of depletion etc., but would quite welcome a bit of a change in the food side of things..
Mrs C: Well what a week it has been.. diet and training all on point and I got a PB in the squat rack this week… but my mood has been dreadful. I have felt anxious, tired, depleted, not worthy and generally like I just want to give up… not just on prep but on everything. I suffer with anxiety and depression and this week has been the worst week I have had in a long time. I nearly cried my whole way through a leg session, had a panic attack doing some indoor rock climbing on an active rest day and nearly handed my notice in. I just feel that everything is getting to me and I am constantly worried that I will not be good enough to compete. I looked at photos from this time last year and it really brought home how much smaller I was a year ago so now I am paranoid that I wont be lean enough in April. I am trying to focus on other things and stay in the moment but it isn’t easy and I feel that I need to make some changes in my life to move forward now… watch this space!!